Throat Bordello. Signed, Thor

There was a period a few years ago when I took to collecting spam e-mails. Not all spam e-mails, mind you, but ones of a certain type. In order to circumvent some earlier junk mail filters, companies would embed an image with their spiel. However, a single image in an e-mail would most certainly been caught by the filter, so they hoped to skirt that by putting in some dummy text. Usually, these were nonsensical strings of words, but often they would coalesce into an unintended meaning. I thought immediately of Burroughs and his studies of deconstructed language; or even Aztec priests, who found meaning in the vivisected entrails of their sacrifices. I had planned, along with some of the other Owls, to make a zine highlighting these serendipitous moments, but a string of new projects and life upheavals kept it simmering on the back burner. I won't inundate you with my entire collection -- I have over fifty saved e-mails -- but below is a sample. The first two are mangled text from Dickens' David Copperfield:

» It appeared to me that the gentleman in spectacles backed his hat with the novelty of this cookery, the excellence of it. He was quite loquacious; giving me to understand, among other pieces.

» Don't you mind devoid of evil, in its passing away from her, leave her more and was so glad to see old Traddles who always dined with us on her deck, as she turned on her beam-ends towards the shore, now I laid great emphasis on that, as if to imply that I should still and Mrs. Crupp, who was busy making tea.

» If defined by grizzly bear, play pinochle with espadrille behind, then snowed inside to get stinking drunk. Related to sandwich -- senator about earring -- and wedding dress related to are what made America great!

» Unlike so many alchemists who have made their molten pork chops...

» A few clodhoppers and tape recorders arrive at a state of freight train. Now and then, toward rattlesnake, ignore gonad pickup truck. Somnambulist about is linguistic. Most bubble baths believe that toward dolphins, but customers towards starlets.

Alas, e-mail spam technology waits for no one, and it's been a while since I've seen anything like this in my junk mail folder.